The year that went by
by potionslover
Summary: What went through the mind of Severus Snape during the time between  him joining Dumbledore and Lily's death. Series of events leading up to that fateful Halloween night.Read and enjoy. Includes DH spoilers.
1. The second chance

_**Disclaimer:The following characters belong to J.K rowling.I'm just borrowing them for a while.**_

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It was ten past six and the students were slowly making their way into their common rooms. One of the first years caught a glimmer of the man now advancing towards them, only to run away terrified as though he would curse them into oblivion. It had only been two months since Severus Snape had taken up the post of Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and he had already established himself a reputation of being more acidulous than sour vinegar. His sardonic taunts, his intolerance of incompetence and his unfair prejudice against Gryffindors and an equal favoritism towards his own House of Slytherin, didn't go down that well with the students. 

But Severus Snape didn't feel the need to be over-indulgent with them. As a student at Hogwarts, he had learned from his experience that leniency with mischief makers like these, would breed pretentious swines like James Potter and Sirius Black. Snape still blamed the teachers and the head master for all the abuse and bullying he faced at the hands of the Marauders and didn't feel like they did enough in chastising them. He also justified his favoring of Slytherins, as a means of setting things right at Hogwarts.

For years, Slytherin students had been victims of misguided prejudice. The rest of the school unfairly phrased the whole house as evil, thereby ostracizing them, as an unpleasant lot. As a student, he always felt there was the lack of an authority figure to represent and stand up for the Slytherin house. Their Head of House, Horace Slughorn, rarely twitched his muscles except for a box of crystallized pineapple and had a proclivity to anyone famous or exceptional, irrespective of the House they belonged to. He therefore felt he should give the Slytherins something that would let them measure up, to any unfair advantage the other Houses held.

Severus almost walked into the armor guarding the entrance to the corridor, as he pondered all this. He was feeling slightly over-worked, from having to juggle two different jobs. One, that of a teacher at Hogwarts which was forced upon him by Dumbledore, and which he accepted reluctantly, the other of a spy, which included participating in frequent meetings with his ex-Death Eater pals.

He had turned on the Dark Lord exactly a year ago. Now that he was no longer a Death Eater, Severus was starting to find their activities slightly unsettling. He wondered, whether he was going through a genuine reformation, or whether it was merely the perspective of an outsider, rather than a perpetrator.

Lately, he had frequently been questioning the principles which led him to join the Death Eaters in the first place. Was the abnegation of the true meaning of his partake in their activities slowly unmasking, he wondered. But was he even capable of reforming or had two years of being with such an iniquitous clique rendered him reprobate.

"Evil Sev..evil". Snape stopped abruptly, as Lily's words echoed in his ears. He had yet to come to terms with his sudden change of sides, and yet to acclimatize with this new crowd. But there was one thing that always stayed constant in his life. Lily Evans. Everything she represented, every opinion she held, every word she spoke. They were fresh in his mind, as though he had just had a conversation with her over tea.

But he had let her down. He had defiled everything she believed in. Severus didn't know, what was to become of his life with the current choice he had made. All he knew was that it was worth every drop of blood in his body, as long as he knew Lily was safe and happy.

Although he hated to acknowledge the fact, that the ones she was sharing this happiness with, where James Potter and his son. Severus sought to separate Lily from the Lily Potter, as he couldn't bear to think of her with a man so undeserving of her purity. In his mind she was Lily Evans, the cheeky, cheerful red-head, who had not yet learned to love James Potter.

Severus kept walking despite his musings, stopping as he reached the entrance to the Headmaster's office.

"Pepper Imps" he said as the gargoyle accepted the password and moved aside as a wall behind it split into two to reveal the spiral staircase onto which Severus stepped on and was taken slowly upward. As he knocked on the front of the polished oak door, he wondered what it was that the Headmaster wanted to talk to him about, as he had already briefed him on the last Death Eater meeting.

The Dark Lord was getting impatient by the minute, as he failed to discover the location where the Potters were hiding. The inference that they must be under the Fidelius charm was even more infuriating for him, as he couldn't find them unless their location was revealed to him by the secret keeper himself.

With a sigh of relief, knowing Lily was safe for now, Severus entered the familiar circular room and looked around for the Headmaster. He didn't seem to occupy his usual position behind his desk, but was employed in looking over a slightly decrepit looking bird that seemed to be nearing its end. Dumbledore looked up from Fawkes and on realizing it was Snape, motioned him towards the visitors chair in front of his desk.

Severus looked over at the Phoenix, as he took his seat, and remembered back the time when he first saw it. It was the first time he had been in the Headmaster's office, and Dumbledore wasn't around. As he moved closer to look at the weakened bird, it burst into flames. As he was used to being encountered by inopportune things, he didn't find this particular event of the Headmaster's pet bursting into flames, the very first time he stepped into his office so distressing.

Severus returned his thoughts to the present, as he watched the similar ritual of resurrection that he had once witnessed and saw a tiny bird poking out of the ashes. Severus wondered, whether he could associate the image of the bird with his own life. Whether fate had burned his shells off, to give him a second chance. But before his thoughts could take him any further, Dumbledore took his seat in his chair, and began to speak.

"I thought you would like to know Severus, that Lily and James have chosen Sirius as their secret keeper." said Dumbledore

Severus jaw tightened, as he made to retort. He knew the idea of entrusting such an important responsibility, on someone as reckless and infantile as Sirius Black could only have been that of James Potter, someone equally immature and arrogant.

"If Potter is planning on dying, why not just march right in front of the Dark Lord.", he replied scornfully. "It would be quicker and less tedious for everyone, seeing as Black will undoubtedly get himself captured sooner or later."

Dumbledore smiled as he heard Snape's reply. He knew Snape held on to the grudge that had developed between him and Sirius back in his school days. He also suspected Severus harbored ill feeling towards himself, for not taking a more stern stance against bullying.

"Sirius values James and Lily's lives just as much as we do, and I am sure he understands the seriousness of the position he has taken up." Dumbledore replied

"Why cant you be their secret keeper?" Snape asked. "The Dark Lord would never seek you out, seeing as he has never tried to challenge you and even if he did, there is no doubt you will come off winning."

"Thank you Severus." Dumbledore replied with a smile. "I agree that would have been a more prudent decision. I did indeed volunteer for it. But James insisted he trusts Sirius implicitly and would be glad to have him as their secret keeper, a decision I gave my wholehearted support to."

Severus scowled as he heard Dumbledore's words. He felt it was quite characteristic of Dumbledore to applaud his precious little Gryffindors, even when their actions were foolish beyond reason.

"I also thought you would like to know Severus, that I had a small conversation with Lily." said Dumbledore.

Severus's face drained of all its color. He knew what was coming. Dumbledore wouldn't bring up his conversation with Lily if it didn't involve him.

"And needless to say, you were a topic that factored prominently in our discussion." he continued.

Severus breath caught in his lungs, and he felt as if the air was ineluctably stuck in his chest, making it impossible for him to speak.

"Does...does she know?" he finally asked.

"I told her about your reformation, and assured her you were working on our side, and that you were no longer a Death Eater."

When Severus made no reply, Dumbledore continued. "I however, withheld the reasons for your sudden change of heart, as I didn't consider it was of particular importance."

No particular importance? Severus thought spitefully. It was because of him that Lily was now having to bear the inconvenience of being under a house arrest. It was because of him that the Dark Lord marked her for death, and was searching for her incessantly. Dumbledore might be content with Black, but Severus was still wary of her situation.

"But I did tell her about her role in your reformation. I told her that her influence had stayed on in you, even after she severed ties with you." said Dumbledore.

Severus looked down and didn't want to hear the rest. He knew he had failed her in every respect and didn't deserve her forgiveness, especially after landing her in her current predicament. But a certain part of him longed to hear her response to Dumbledore's claims.

"What did she say?" Severus asked softly, still looking down.

"That she never gave up on you." Severus looked up and met Dumbledore's eyes. "That a part of her believed that you were inherently good, and that you couldn't hold onto such an evil establishment for too long. She said she remembered back in school, how you never actually committed any evil misdeeds, unlike your friends, but merely consorted with those who did, and that made her hold out a tiny hope for you in her heart."

When Dumbledore finally finished, Severus looked down once again. He couldn't get himself to look into the old man's blue eyes any longer, as he would detect the searing shame, now coursing through his veins. If only Lily knew what he had done, she wouldn't have perhaps said those things. Of course, Severus always talked himself out of doing anything morbidly evil, and was mainly entrusted with the job of taking up a post at Hogwarts, to spy on Albus Dumbledore.

But that didn't rule out all the terrible things he had witnessed. The screams of the victims the Death Eaters toyed with, the cries of the innocent while they were tortured and the pleading of those who were about to be killed, all of which he pretended not to hear and remain aloof to.

But all those things, appeared more vividly to him now, than it did back then, haunting him in his sleep and sickening him, every time he thought about it, causing him to question whether he did indeed, ever fully support them. Was what she said true then? Was he inherently good? Was their still hope for him?

Dumbledore surveyed him for a while, before finally looking away. He stood up from his chair, taking his wand along and walked over to the window. He looked out into the Quidditch pitch for a while, as the sun set over it, before turning around and facing Snape, who was still looking down at the floor, lost in deep thought. Dumbledore moved closer to him and spoke.

"The reason why I called you up here Severus, was to let you know that you will be taking private lessons with me for the next couple of days."

Severus looked up, being suddenly interrupted from his reminisces of Lily.

"Private lessons?" He asked sounding surprised. "On what?"

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_**Author: Since this is my first ever fan fic, I would really appreciate reviews, even if they are criticisms, as I would genuinely like to improve my writing. Thanks so much for reading.**_

_**Special thanks to Vinyaya for beta-reading my story... **_


	2. The silver bat

_**Disclaimer:The following characters belong to J.K rowling.I'm just having a little fun with them.**_

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"Since you are a member of the order now, I wanted you to learn a few things that the rest of the members have been taught as well." said Dumbledore. 

Severus was already taxed beyond limit every night owing to both his teaching and spying responsibilities. However he was going to draw the line if Dumbledore was suggesting that he use whatever it is he wanted him to learn and march off into battle.

He listened apprehensively as Dumbledore continued. "Since it is inconvenient for each of you to communicate with each other most of the time,which holds mostly true for you Severus as you are constantly among the Death eaters, I devised an ingenious method to overcome the usual troubles of apparition and secrecy."

Severus stiffened slightly in his chair. He hadn't yet mingled properly with the other members. Although he had been formally introduced to them in one of the meetings, in which gladly Lily and Potter hadn't taken part , as they were already in hiding. Black of course was present and was putting in every bit of effort into restraining himself from punching him. He was accompanied by his obsequious crony Pettigrew who looked paler than usual and his werewolf buddy Lupin, who seemed to try extra hard to obscure his apparent shock and failed miserably.

But that had been the general response among the rest of the members,when Dumbledore claimed that he had reformed and would be spying for them. The only two people who didn't seem to display any signs of incredulity,or rather did a good job of covering it up was Hagrid the games keeper and Minerva Mcgonagall. Both of them seemed to trust Dumbledore ostensibly and didn't feel the need to question him.

Aberforth on the other hand seemed disgruntled and didn't let anything hold him back from questioning Dumbledore as to why he trusted him. Dumbledore merely smiled and evaded the question by answering that the matter was between him and Severus and that he was fully convinced of his loyalty. Snape at this point had let out a huge sigh of relief. For a moment he doubted whether Dumbledore would declare the reason why he deserted the Death Eaters. He was waiting to apparate out of there in case that happened.

But he had never had to communicate with any of them till now. His reports were usually given to Dumbledore in person and he had yet to attend another order meeting.

"This method involves using your patronus. You do know how to conjure one I presume?" asked Dumbledore

Snape nodded. "But its been a while.." he added.

Severus had conjured his patronus only on two occasions so far. Once during the actual NEWT level charms class when they were taught how to produce one. And the other when he was asked to demonstrate one during the practical bit of their examination.

"Well that makes things a lot easier". Dumbledore replied. "Could I ask you to show me your patronus?" he said

Snape concurred as he took out his wand and took a moment to recall the spell. The next part he knew was the difficult bit as he had to think of an extremely happy memory, one of the reasons why he detested and mostly avoided using a patronus. He hadn't led a fruitful life and he didn't have a chalk full of happy memories, to choose one at leisure.

The only source of happiness in his life was Lily, and the only happy memories he had were related to her, which were also the ones he had used when he conjured the patronus the previous two times. He closed his eyes and thought of the evenings they spent together near the park, holding hands and looking over at the sunset.

"Expecto patronum" he shouted.

From the tip of his wand erupted a silvery bat, tiny and petite in appearance. Its eyes matched the hollowness of his and it hovered above them in the same precise manner as he did among his students. Severus watched it with trepidation wondering whether his memory was powerful enough to sustain it for long. It flew around skittishly as Dumbledore and Snape watched , before flying out the window and vanishing into thin air.

"Good" said Dumbledore. "Now that we've seen your patronus, I suggest we leave our lesson here for now, since you have to get to your meeting as well."

Severus had a scheduled meeting with the Dark Lord that night, which he wasn't particularly looking forward to. It took him all his effort to block the thoughts in his mind as the Dark Lord employed legilimency on him. A moment of weakness and he knew he would be a dead man.

"I will expect you here at the same time tomorrow." said Dumbledore.

"Any particular information you would like me to convey to the Dark Lord?" asked Snape.

"No, I think we've given him enough information for now. You haven't risen too high in the ranks for him to suspect you. Besides I am sure he is currently occupied with thoughts of the prophecy and I doubt whether he would engage in any further plans till his current mission succeeds, which bears the highest importance to him.".

_Till his current mission succeeds._ The words inundated Severus's mind with all sorts of dreadful thoughts and he felt as though a huge boulder had been dropped into his stomach. He had forbidden his mind from wandering in that direction. He would keep telling himself that Lily would be safe no matter what.

Snape nodded and stood up from his chair. "Good night professor." he said.

As he made his way to the door, he heard Dumbledore's voice call out his name once more.

"I was asked to give you this. I should have given it to you earlier, but I thought it would distract you during our lesson." said Dumbledore.

Snape made to look at what Dumbledore was holding out. He recognized it as a letter, but couldn't think of anyone who would write to him.

"Its from Lily. She asked me to give you this, seeing as she cant talk to you in person." said Dumbledore.

Snape felt as if everything around him stopped moving as he strained his ears to make sure he heard him right. He wanted to launch himself at Dumbledore and snatch the letter out of his hands, but at the same time he felt like he was unable to move as his whole body went limp. He stared at the letter for a while after which he moved in three strides and took the letter from Dumbledore's hands.

"She wrote this letter as soon as I told her the truth about you" said Dumbledore with a smile. "I hope this acts as some form of remuneration for the constant danger you put yourself in everyday."

Snape didn't say anything, but merely looked into the Headmaster's eyes. Dumbledore seemed to understand what it was the kid was feeling, and raised his hand, as if to say there was no need to reply.

"But I do need to warn you Severus. You must remember you are meeting with Voldemort tonight. Any form of emotion can deepen your vulnerability and detriment your Occlumency skills. You musn't hang onto any feelings and must remember to rid your mind of all thoughts before you leave for the meeting."

Severus gave a slight nod as he wondered how in the name of Merlin he was going to keep Lily out of his head, especially after reading her letter. For a moment he hated Dumbledore for having given him the letter right before his meeting. The letter suddenly seemed like a death sentence.

He tried not to think about it for now as he took his leave and tried to get back to his office as soon as he could.

He quickly got down the stairs and ran past the gargoyle as fast as he could. He stopped running when he saw a couple of prefects approach and maintained a stilted attitude. After they disappeared around the corridor, Severus resumed his sprinting and reached his office within 5 minutes. He looked over at the letter, panting heavily as he felt the oxygen slowly returning to his head.

He finally sat down on his chair and placed the letter on the table. He threw his head back and closed his eyes, preparing himself to read the words he had been longing to hear for the last three years.

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_**Author:Once again,reviews will be deeply appreciated even if its negative as this is my first fic and comments are always helpful in improving one's writing.Thank you so much for reading..**_


	3. The letter

**_Disclaimer:The following characters belong to J.K rowling.I'm just borrowing them for a while._**

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Severus opened his eyes and quickly tore open the envelope. As he got Lily's letter out, he took a deep breath and his eyes narrowed down over her words. 

**_Dear Sev,_**

**_I know its been a long time since we last spoke. I remember it was during our graduation ceremony and you barely spoke a few words. I was genuinely scared for you back then, knowing what you had chosen to do with your life. I know a certain part of you must have hated me for walking out on you. But it was the only choice I had. I thought I could bring you back to your senses once I left. I guess I presumed I was special enough, which I clearly wasn't, seeing as you chose them over me._**

**_Which is why I was surprised to hear that I had a certain, if not large, part to play in your choice to leave the Death Eaters. Sev, I'm so glad you decided to change your ways. I never totally gave up on you. I said the same to Dumbledore, which I'm sure he must have relayed to you. Now that you have seen how evil and malignant the Death Eaters really are, I hope you can understand why I had to distance myself from you._**

**_A certain part of me believed that you never shared any of their pureblood prejudices but your resentment of Muggles stemmed from your hatred for your father. I hope you have come to terms with your inner principles and seen the error of your ways. Although I never played a major part in your life, especially after I walked out on you, I'm glad to have had at least some influence on you and I hope you don't hold out any resentments towards me in your heart._**

**_On a more happy note. I'm sure you must have heard from Dumbledore, that I gave birth to a baby boy last July! We've named him Harry after James's father. He's the most cutest thing you could ever hope for. He's already blowing up things around the house. Granted, it is a bit difficult having to raise him in such a closed environment. James won't even let me take him for a walk too far. I hope this war will end soon and things will go back to normal._**

**_Dumbledore told me the job you have been assigned. And I have to say I'm not particularly pleased to hear about it. I've heard You-Know-Who is an extremely skilled Legilimens and it must take an exceptional amount of Occlumency to counter it, which I'm sure you are capable of, but I still worry about your safety._**

**_Lets hope Dumbledore finds a means to end all this once and for all, as he's the only one who can. When it does, you can visit us sometime and you can meet Harry as well. You'll surely love him and I'm sure he would be more than happy to meet his future Potions Master. I'll have to wrap this letter up as Dumbledore has just finished talking to James and is about to leave._**

**_Keep faith in yourself as I've seen the good in you and hope you'll see it too._**

**_Looking forward to meeting you Sev._**

**_Lots of love_**

**_Lily_**

Severus finished the letter feeling slightly dazed. Obviously not of a word of it had registered in his mind. He therefore went back and re-read it a couple of times to discern it more properly.

Severus found a huge lump stuck in his throat when he reached the part where Lily complained of not being special enough , and accused him of choosing his friends over her. For a moment he wondered whether he should have declared his feelings to her back then and perhaps it was the lack of candidness that ruined their friendship.

_No_, said a voice in his head. _She stayed away from you because you were evil. You didn't deserve her_.

But didn't she say she saw the good in me, he thought to himself. Severus was suddenly finding the letter too cloying. He hadn't yet come to terms with his inner principles, like Lily pointed out. And he certainly hadn't given up his prejudice against his abominable father which as a result extended to all Muggles.

Severus sighed inwardly at Lily's ability to unmask him so easily. Indeed this was why Lily was the only one who could deal with someone as intractable as himself. Severus felt guilty for having brought up such an inconvenience on her, as he read her complain about their closed environment.

_I hope this war ends soon_. But it's your own son that's destined to be the one to do it Lily, he thought miserably. Trying not to think of it for now, Severus moved on across the letter, skipping over the parts where she mentioned Potter and his son.

And finally his eyes rested on the words that brought him delight beyond anything._ Looking forward to meeting you Sev._ Waves and waves of happiness swept over him, as he thought of that moment. To finally hear her voice, to see her smile, to see those refulgent green eyes and to see her look at him with pride and not disgust. At that moment, Severus realized, he finally secured himself a thought powerful enough to sustain a patronus for years.

He glanced over at the clock by his table and realized it was time for his meeting with the Dark Lord. As delectable as the letter was, he started worrying of its consequences. Severus was quite adept at Occlumency as the Dark Lord had trained him himself. It was a means to prevent Dumbledore from finding out he was a spy. Severus smiled to himself as he thought of the Dark Lord's arrogance at underestimating his followers. The Dark Lord wouldn't dare suspect that Severus would use it against him, owing to his ostentatious belief that no mortal alive could counter his Legilimency.

But Severus was in real trouble now. He needed to clear his mind of all thoughts. Normally this came quite easy to him as he was used to shutting himself from everyone. But Lily was always the exception. She could easily pervade through every barrier that he built around his mind's fortress. And now he was going to pay for it.

Severus spent the next couple of minutes trying to cleanse his mind and block out all thoughts. After which he pocketed his wand and put on his traveling cloak. He slowly took Lily's letter and placed it inside the drawer of his table and sealed it with his wand. He stepped out of his office and made his way towards the entrance to the castle.

The moonlight was shimmering on hogwarts as he slowly made his way out of it into the chilly night. Halloween was approaching and he could see Hagrid's massive pumpkins bulging out of his garden. The noises of the nocturnal creatures were humming in the background as the moon glistened his pallid face. He stopped as he crossed the magical boundary of the castle, took a moment to calm his nerves and with one deep breath vanished into thin air.

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_**Author:Please,please,please review.I know i sound pathetic but i do want to know what you guys think,even if its a criticism, since this is the first time ive written a story.Thank so much reading.**_


	4. The informant

_**Disclaimer: If i was JK rowling, i would have more reviews.**_

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It was the sound one would associate with a jubilant crowd and in normal circumstances cause one to feel elated. But since the current pandemonium was coming from a group of people whose daily chores included torture and murder, Severus couldn't help feel a little uneasy. He moved from the spot he apparated to and walked towards the source of commotion. 

The mansion was quite huge and stretched over a large area. It had a classic elegance, which one would associate with an ancient wizarding family. The path leading to the house was graveled and bordered by a once well kept garden. Overall one would have a good impression of the person who owned the house.

Unfortunately for him, he was also a blood traitor. He had been reported missing and was last seen a couple of months back. Although the neighbors were quick to recall that a few strangely cloaked men had stopped by the night he disappeared. The body of course, was never found as Nagini never left much food after dinner.

As Severus kept walking, he heard a tiny pop some where around him, causing him to withdraw his wand. When he realized it was Lucius Malfoy who had apparated next to him, he drew back his wand and pocketed it again.

"So what's the big news, Snape" said Lucius straightaway.

Slightly perplexed by this abrupt questioning he said. "I have no particular information to give to the Dark Lord tonight, atleast nothing of importance." Feeling slightly bothered by Lucius's tone he asked. "Why do you ask?"

Lucius merely shrugged and replied "You'll find out soon".

Severus didn't press the issue since he didn't care to know what the big news was, as it was no doubt related to the Dark Lord's success in the current war.

"Why are you late?" asked Severus since he was the only one given permission to come late for the meetings due to his job at Hogwarts.

"Draco is ill, Narcissa insisted I stay till he got better. He's fine now". Lucius replied.

Severus marveled at the nerve of the man walking by his side. Lucius was no doubt a loving father and a good husband. He would get distressed by the sickness of his child and yet he had no qualms about killing off other people's children.

The two men kept walking till they reached the front door. As they opened to enter, the noises from inside became more clamorous and Severus had the similar feeling of uneasiness. The door opened to a wide hall which was dimly lit, and which looked as derelict as the garden outside.

They walked towards the main hall to the left, which was usually where the Dark Lord convened the meetings . The main hall was decorated more eloquently than the rest of the house. It had a high ceiling on which a shiny chandelier hung, glistening over the furniture below.

When Severus and Lucius entered, the majority of the Death Eaters were huddled in the center of the room and cheering with their wands aloft. This wasn't a new ritual for the Death Eaters. Every once in a while they brought in muggle borns and blood traitors and tortured them senseless, sometimes for information but mostly for fun.

Severus had no interest whatsoever in witnessing this gruesome act as he sat down by a scared looking new recruit. The boy seemed quite young and was clearly regretting his choice as he stared at the group in the middle, pale faced.

Severus couldn't see the Dark Lord as he was masked by the group of mutinous Death Eaters. It was only when several of them withdrew from the center he got to comprehend the scene more properly.

The man lying on the ground was clearly quite old and looked around 60 or 70. His eyes were shut tight and he had several slash wounds on his skin which were bleeding profusely. The man looked like he had been tortured for several days and Severus wondered whether his mind had completely broken yet. He let out a tiny howl and it was only from the movement of his lips that Severus recognized it as a 'no'.

"Its no use" said the witch who Severus recognized as Bellatrix, who had clearly come to enjoy torture as a daily routine.

"He wont budge, shall we kill him already my Lord?" she enquired.

"Let me speak to him" said a cold voice, which send shivers down Severus's spine even though he was quite used to it.

"Open your eyes and look at me." demanded the voice.

The man slowly opened his eyes and Severus was amazed he could still comprehend what he heard.

"You would rather die than give me information is it?" he questioned.

The man lay there, still as a rock looking into Voldemort's scarlet eyes.

"You would rather protect the lives of those muggles and mudbloods than save your own" the Dark Lord spat.

The man, though having understood what the Dark Lord said couldn't get himself to reply.

"So be it" said Voldemort. But instead of enunciating the killing curse, he mouthed something in parseltongue.

It was only a moment later that Severus understood what he said as he saw Nagini pounce on the old man and pierce its fangs into the man's throat.

The man struggled in vain as Nagini strapped her giant leathery mass around his body, all the while maintaining the position of its fang on his neck. After doing its deed, the snake slowly slithered away onto its rug, content with its job for the day.

The man meanwhile twisted himself around aimlessly as the blood gushed forth from his neck. Although Severus had witnessed several deaths, most of the victims being fed to Nagini, this was the first time he'd seen something this deplorable. The Avada Kedavara was a painless and merciful form of death compared to the torture the poor man was going through.

After several twists and turns the man finally rested on the ground facing Severus with his eyes locked on the former. There was a moment which could have perhaps been a second, in which Severus felt the eyes of the man searching his soul and he had an inexplicable vision of himself in the man's position, lying on the floor bleeding and he could swear he saw a flash of green eyes, Lily's eyes.

But the moment had passed and he saw himself looking into the eyes of a dead man. Voldemort moved the body with his wand into a corner of the room and worded something in parseltongue. No doubt a mention to Nagini about her breakfast, thought Severus.

He then conjured a table long enough to seat all of the Death Eaters.The Death eaters conjured their own chairs and sat down. Severus did the same and sat down in his appointed position towards the middle of the table which also signified his rank among the Death eaters.

The meeting began with several of the death eaters briefing the Dark Lord about their various exploits. However when it was Severus's turn, the Dark Lord didn't question him and he moved on to the next Death Eater. Severus knew this was because his information and his role as a spy tied in with the prophecy, something the Dark Lord hadn't confided in the others.

Once the meeting was over, Severus stayed back and waited to be briefed as the other members slowly made their way out of the room.

"So Severus." said the Dark Lord. "What news do you have from our muggle loving fool, Albus Dumbledore".

"Nothing my Lord." he said as he put in every bit of effort in blocking out the truth.

"He has become quite secretive these past few meetings. He has refused to divulge much to most of the Order members, especially me." He continued.

"He doesn't trust you still?" asked Voldemort.

"Not as much as the rest. But I assure you my Lord, I will reach there soon. Im already a member of the Order, a privilege only few of the hogwarts staff has been granted." added Severus.

But Voldemort, Severus noticed, wasn't paying attention as he stroked Nagini. There didn't seem to be the usual disappointment etched on his face when told about the lack of information, but rather a triumphant smile.

"But I doubt I would be needing any more information Severus." he continued with that same eerie smile.

"My Lord?" said Severus, his heart rate increasing by the minute.

"I have a new informant. Someone well disposed to give me information of the most valuable kind" said Voldemort.

"My Lord, if he is at Hogwarts perhaps we could work together" said Severus apprehensively.

"No, he is not at Hogwarts. Infact I am quite content with the information you bring in and I doubt whether I would be needing another one there." said Voldemort.

"This informant has been passing me information for over a year now , he isn't of the most loyal kind, but his informations I cannot say have been entirely futile." he continued while petting Nagini.

Severus listened calmly trying to think of a means to ask him who the informant was, which he knew, had to be done carefully, a wrong approach and he would get suspicious.

"All I can tell you is that I have him right where I want him. And now he has brought me news most exhilarating. He has assured me that if his plan succeeds, my wish will finally come true, that is if he doesn't spoil things by his own foolishness." said Voldemort.

If the Dark Lord hadn't been busy stroking Nagini, Severus would have blown his cover as his defenses broke immediately after the Dark Lord finished speaking. He couldn't help himself from thinking about Lily and the danger that she was in now. This is why, Severus thought, Lucius had questioned him about the 'big news', thinking him to be the informant.

Severus knew he couldn't hold onto those thoughts for much longer, lest he should be caught, as he quickly washed out his brain and employed Occlumency again.

"I want to you to keep an eye on Dumbledore. If he leaves the castle for any purpose, I want to be informed immediately. Should my plans succeed, I don't want him interfering." said Voldemort.

"Yes my Lord." replied Severus.

"You can leave now." said Voldemort as he absent mindedly stroked Nagini, clearly lost in a reverie of his moment of success.

Severus gave a slight bow and quickly moved out of the room. As he made his way out of the mansion, he stopped by a mirror and looked into his reflection. He realized his face had lost the little color it possessed and his hands were trembling.

He had to reach the castle and tell Dumbledore, but he felt like he couldn't wait. What if something happened by then, he thought woefully. He understood now what Dumbledore meant by the usefulness of the patronus for communication.

Without wasting much time, Severus walked to the edge of the house and apparated, hoping against hopes that what he heard wasn't what he dreaded.

* * *

_**Author:The vision that Severus has when looking into the eyes of the man was sort of a premonition of his own death. Of course he thought it was Lily's eyes he saw, when in reality it would be Harry's..sniff**_

_**Thanks so much for reading. There will be two more chapters and the next one will be slightly shorter. Please review and tell me what you think.**_


	5. Of nightmares and phoenixes

**_Disclaimer: The following characters are the property of JK Rowling. I'm just playing with them, in this wonderful playground she has created._**

_**Author: Although I had said this chapter will be short, I ended up appending two short chapters to make one big one. So read and enjoy.**_

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He hadn't dwelt enough on what he heard to make proper sense of it nor to think of its implications before he left the pub and apparated directly to the Dark Lord. All he knew, was that there was a threat lurking in the form of a boy who would be born within a couple of months.

He had to make sure his master knew of this prophecy as he couldn't think of a world with the Dark Lord defeated. He would have no where else to go and it would certainly be the end of his dabble in the Dark Arts. He would be branded a Death Eater and send to Azkaban. _No_, a voice in his mind said. _The Dark Lord will not be defeated. He will have the upper hand once he hears the prophecy._

And with that thought Severus stepped into the manor and quickly proceeded to the inner hall where the Dark Lord was seated. He didn't wait to be allowed for permission to speak as he burst out everything he heard at the Hogshead inn. By the time Severus finished speaking, Voldemort's face contorted into a perilous rage, his long pale hands tightening its grip on his wand.

Just when Severus thought he was going to be punished for this sudden uninvited relay of information, especially something this disquieting, he saw Voldemort striding forward and pressing his wand on his forearm. Within moments twenty or so Death Eaters apparated directly to the inner hall and waited to be spoken to.

"I have an extremely important task for all of you." Voldemort hissed venomously, his scarlet eyes twinkling grisly.

"Rookwood, I want to you to check the records of all children being born at the end of July. I assume there's a provision for that?" asked Voldemort

"Yes my Lord. The names appear automatically when the child gets born" replied Rookwood, precariously.

"Good. When you find out who they are, I want the rest of you to find out every single detail about them. Fail to do so, and you shall feel Lord Voldemort's wrath! " spat Voldemort, as several of the Death Eaters cowered and stepped back.

"Everyone except Rookwood may leave." finished Voldemort as Rookwood looked longingly at the apparating Death Eaters, clearly petrified at the thought of being left alone with an irascible Dark Lord.

"A prophecy has been made regarding me. I take it, they are stored in the Department of Mysteries?" asked Voldemort, since Rookwood worked there and had been passing information to Voldemort for a while.

"Yes my Lord." replied Rookwood feeling slightly relieved about not having been kept back for retribution.

"Then I want you to find out everything about it. To whom it refers to and any other additional information you can gather." said Voldemort

"Yes my Lord." replied Rookwood.

"You can leave now." said Voldemort as the last of the Death Eaters apparated his way out of the room.

Voldemort suddenly turned to Severus, whose presence he seemed to have forgotten for a while.

Severus gulped as he looked into Voldemort's powder white face, knowing how difficult it was to behold his rage.

But Voldemort surprisingly smiled at Severus as he sat back down on his chair.

"You have done well young boy." he said . "Lord Voldemort values loyalty and rewards it most generously, and since you have given me a truly momentous news, you are hereby promoted to the middle level of my clique. You can certainly be proud of it as there are few followers of mine who have managed to achieve that, being only two years out of Hogwarts." said Voldemort

Severus felt his heart widening with pride as he relished the feeling of power, which he had longed for all his life and which he was denied all throughout his childhood.

The scene changed and Severus was standing facing the Dark Lord who seemed relaxed and seated back on his armchair with an exultant smile drawn on his face.

"I thought it would be fitting for you to be the one to whom I divulge the following information as you were the one who brought me the prophecy." said the cold voice.

Without waiting for an answer Voldemort continued. "There were two children born at the end of July, to parents satisfying the conditions the prophecy spoke of."

"Who are they my Lord." asked Severus curiously.

"Both the families are Order members and both, I have been told, are pretty close to Dumbledore." replied Voldemort as he twiddled his wand in his hands.

"One of them is a pureblood family. Their names are Frank and Alice Longbottom and they work as Aurors in the Ministry. But I have decided not to attack them. I do not see my conqueror in a pureblood." Voldemort stopped twiddling his wand and looked at the wall in deep thought.

"I do not see_ myself _in that boy." he said.

Severus knew this meant that it was the other family that had the death sentence pronounced upon them.

"The other, I have been told also work at the Ministry" continued Voldemort." The father, James Potter who is a pureblood is an Auror and the mother Lily Potter, a mudblood, works in the Department of Mysteries"

After a short pause he continued. "Yes, I see myself in that boy, I see him looming around me as a threat. But Lord Voldemort knows everything. I will cut down his wings before he learns how to fly. He will not grow up in this world holding the possibility of defeating me. Lord Voldemort will be truly invincible once I wipe out him and his entire family!" he shouted as his scarlet eyes gleamed with a triumphant rage.

Severus felt his soul leave his body and for a moment actually thought a dementor had sucked it out of him. The moment Voldemort mentioned Potter's name he felt his body crumbling, his breathing slowing down and his brain numbing. Severus didn't even hear the rest of the words that followed. All he knew was Lily was going to die, and it was all his fault.

And suddenly everything made sense. Every atrocity he committed, every crime he abetted, the people he befriended, his Dark Mark, everything flashed in front of his eyes as though his whole life spun around in his mind like a reel being played over and over again and as he stood there, finally paying for all the sins he committed, his whole life became clear to him.

And then he saw her, more clearly than he remembered seeing her in the last three years. Her green eyes shining lambently and her red hair burning crimson in front of which even Voldemort's eyes seemed to flicker. She was more beautiful than he ever remembered seeing her and yet seeing her seemed to hurt him like never before, as if being stabbed by a thousand knives.

And then he felt the earth beneath him melting, his legs gave away and Lily's eyes were still piercing into his, maddening him. He was falling, the air was being sucked out of him, his nerves seemed to jam in his brain, his skin was burning and the blood was rushing up, he was falling and it seemed like his feet would never touch ground again.

* * *

Severus woke up with a jolt, feeling extremely queasy and with a slightly sunken feeling in his stomach as though he really had been falling like in his dream. He lifted the jug lying on his bedside table and emptied it in one gulp, refilled it using the Aguamenti charm and drained it again. 

It was always the same dream. A reminder of the biggest mistake he ever made. In the beginning he welcomed it as a form of chastisement which would prevent him from slipping back into his old ways as he was still tempted by the Dark Arts, although having given up on Voldemort and his principles. But lately it had become more tormenting as he feared more and more for Lily's life.

Every time he felt the pang of guilt for telling Voldemort the prophecy, he would console himself by saying that Lily was safe and that it was based on his information that they went into hiding. But ever since he found out about the informant, he couldn't help but worry.

He censured himself once more, for thinking about Lily ending up dead, since in Severus's mind it was nothing short of hypothetical. After all, Dumbledore was protecting her. He had promised him she would be safe. And he trusted Dumbledore to keep his word. And with that comforting thought Severus pulled up his covers and went back to sleep, hoping to dream of something better.

* * *

"Come in." said the voice as Severus opened the door and stepped into the circular room.

Dumbledore was seated in his chair and reading through a letter with a slight smirk on his face. Severus sat in his chair in front of the desk and as he did so, recognized the symbol on the envelope which was lying on the table, as that of the Ministry's. He knew this was perhaps one of those letters from the Minister seeking Dumbledore's advice. Severus wondered why the Headmaster never sought to take up the position since he was no doubt better at it than all the maladroit dim wits that had graced the title of Minister. He wondered how anyone could be so uninterested in power, to let go off it so easily.

Dumbledore finished his letter and put it aside. Severus suddenly remembered the pressing matter at hand and as Dumbledore opened his mouth to speak, he burst out.

"Tell me you're the new secret keeper. Tell me they didn't go ahead with their plan. Tell me you've find out who the informant is and that you've drove away all of Potter's friends."

Dumbledore let out a small chuckle as Severus regained his breath. Dumbledore took this moment to start speaking.

"My dear boy, calm down. I know you're worried about Lily's safety. But so are all of us. You shouldn't think we are taking this new matter at hand, lightly." He said

Before Severus could interrupt, he went on "As for the matter of the informant, I spoke to James and Lily about it. James still believes none of his friends could betray him, especially Sirius. He told me that Sirius would die rather than betray his friends. "

"Then he's a fool!" exclaimed Severus standing up. "He might not care of his own life but there is someone else in that house and if he doesn't care about protecting her then we should!" he spat, his chest heaving swiftly.

"That will do Severus." said Dumbledore flatly.

Severus was not willing to pipe down. He didn't care about being rude to Dumbledore. In fact he was shocked to see him leave such an important decision in the hands of an imbecile like James Potter.

"Severus, I understand your feelings. But in circumstances like these, we need to think more rationally. James is an adult, and which person on earth do you think wouldn't care about the safety of their own wife and child."

_My father_, thought Severus bitterly as Dumbledore continued. "Also, James and Lily have reached a conclusion as to who could be the possible candidate for the spy among us."

Although Severus was waiting to bite back, this particular statement from Dumbledore made him calm down a bit and he kept his silence willing Dumbledore to go on.

"But before that I'd like to know of your opinion, Severus. You after all spend seven years in school with them and you must have some idea about their personalities. People who love us will always be astute to our goodness and positive traits, they will however be blinded to our negatives. Since I take it that you never got along with James and his friends, who among them do you think could turn to the dark side, excluding Sirius of course"

Severus was slightly taken aback by Dumbledore's interest in his opinion. He calmed down a bit and thought for a moment as he sat back down.

"Pettigrew is someone who would be scared to death by his own shadow and is likely to faint at the mere sight of the Dark Lord and since you've taken Black out of that list, I guess it means Lupin's the likely candidate." replied Severus.

"Yes, a conclusion James and Lily have reached as well, although James had a harder time believing it." (Severus face reddened) "But they also had some evidence to corroborate this claim as Remus had not shown up for the last two Order meetings. They also described how he was acting slightly distant from them. But they always took it as a sign of his growing insecurity associated with his being a werewolf. Especially after a certain event last month when he attacked a human during his transformation."

"James and Lily have made sure that Remus is not let in on the secret of their location. The only three people in the world who knows of their location would be Sirius, James and Lily." finished Dumbledore.

Severus was still not satisfied with Dumbledore's claims. He distrusted the whole lot, including Potter. There was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind, that something bad was going to happen. But before Severus could argue anymore, Dumbledore started speaking again.

"Now that we've settled that issue, I suggest we get back to our lesson. Now, I told you yesterday that the Order members use their patronuses for communication. Let me show you how." said Dumbledore. He then took out his wand, gave a flick with it and muttered "Expecto patronum."

A large feathery bird burst out of his wand and Severus couldn't recognize what it was immediately. It was only when he took a closer look that he realized it was a phoenix. Severus also felt a strange warmth build up in his chest at the sight of it, as though the phoenix was radiating strength and instilling hope. The bird flew around the office once and then came to a standstill in front of Severus. It then opened its mouth and spoke in Dumbledore's voice.

"I am Albus Dumbledore and I like sweets."

Severus smiled a little as he heard the phoenix speak after which the patronus vanished in front of him.

"This is how the patronus works as a means of communication. It speaks, instead of you. There are more complicated spells that let your patronus's message be legible only to you, in case it gets followed. To anyone else it will sound as strange as Gobbledegook, unless its a goblin of course. But I think we should start with the simpler form first. Now take out your wand please, Severus" said Dumbledore.

Severus obeyed and took out his wand, at which point Dumbledore continued. "Although conjuring a patronus is easier without the presence of a dementor, it still takes a powerfully strong memory or thought to sustain it for long since your patronus might have to travel really long distances at times.

Severus was asked to conjure his patronus and this time he used a different thought than the previous time he had conjured one, something that hadn't occurred yet and thus wouldn't qualify as a memory but a thought so joyful that Severus could sustain a patronus that could travel to the end of the universe. Thinking of the moment when he would see those luminous green eyes again, he worded the spell. The bat came out of his wand and flew around the office like the phoenix and once it came to rest, Dumbledore continued.

"Next you have to use the non verbal spell 'Locumitt' ." said Dumbledore watching the bat.

"Locumitt" repeated Severus.

"Yes, now the the next part is where you have to pay attention. As it requires you to concentrate not only on the words you would like your patronus to speak but also on your memory so as to sustain it. This take loads of practice and I want you to do the same every day until I find the results satisfactory. As a start, shall I ask you to do it once for now" said Dumbledore.

Severus thought hard on the spell first and then thought of what he wanted his patronus to say. And as soon as he started concentrating on it, his patronus flickered and disappeared into the air.

"See, you forgot to pay attention to your memory while concentrating on the spell. You need to pay equal attention to both. This comes with practice only. I suggest we leave our lesson here for today. I presume we'll need only at the most two or three days for you to perfect it. I'm sure you would have mastered it by Halloween." said Dumbledore.

Severus nodded and stood up to leave. He wondered whether he should bring up the topic of the informant again, but then thought against it . He therefore merely said goodnight and left the office.

* * *

Halloween had arrived and the the kitchens were smelling heavily of cooked pumpkins and delicious treats being prepared for the feast, the alluring smells of which traveled through the entire castle. 

Severus meanwhile had finally mastered his patronus in the previous lesson and remembered his bat mouthing his message perfectly without a hitch. Severus didn't have another meeting with the Dark Lord as well, and this made him extremely tensed as there was no way of knowing what was up with the informant. Although James and Dumbledore fully trusted Black, Severus couldn't calm down that easily. Black was after all someone who proved he could do murder at the age of 15.

Severus tried to block these thoughts out of his mind as it made him even more grumpier than he usually was. He joined Dumbledore and the rest of the staff on the table and ate through a wonderful feast that Severus couldn't properly enjoy. He therefore quickly left the table once the feast finished and rushed off to his room.

As he laid down on his bed he took Lily's letter and read through it once again. While reading it, he realized just how much he missed her. Although Severus knew he could never have her, since she was someone else's wife now, it didn't bother him much. That she was safe and happy was all that mattered to him.

_"Keep breathing and I'll stay alive"_, he said out loud. He placed the letter inside its cover and laid down on his bed.

He was about to close his eyes, when it happened. He sat upright holding his hand on his forearm. He lifted up his left sleeve and to his horror saw the black snake and skeleton etched lucidly on his skin. The Dark Mark was burning.

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_**Author: I know you're wondering whats unusual about the Dark Mark burning. Well, you'll see that in the next Chapter.**_

_**Also 'locu' means talk and 'mitt' means send away. Hence 'locumitt' for the spell to send away your patronus with a message. :)  
**_

_** Hope you liked it. If you've read this far, please dont forget to review. I would love to know what you think. So please, please review.**_


	6. The Woes of Severus Snape

_**Disclaimer: The following characters are the property of JK Rowling**_

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Severus didn't know why he was panicking. It was after all, quite customary of the Dark Lord, to summon his Death Eaters at any random time during the day. But this time Severus felt, or rather knew, something was wrong. The ominous feeling, that had been building up in him all through the week, had reached its peak. Severus wanted nothing more than to climb out of his bed and apparate directly to the Dark Lord. But he knew he would risk evoking suspicion, unless he had some genuine information to pass over to the Dark Lord, as he was usually exempted from these sudden parleys, due to his job at Hogwarts . 

What bothered him so much, was that the Dark Lord usually summoned his Death Eaters, every time he left on an important mission.

_If his mission succeeds, my wish will finally come true. _The Dark Lord's words stabbed through his chest like icy knives. Severus shook his head and tried to get rid of these thoughts, but unfortunately they were engraved too deep in his mind, to be merely shaken off.

What made things worse was Dumbledore's unshakable trust in Potter and Black. But Severus couldn't incriminate Black anymore. Accusing Black of anything, would increase the possibility of Lily being attacked. All he could do now, was to put his entire faith in Potter and his friend. As much as it pained him to admit it, he told himself that Black would never betray Potter. Also, this was the only way he could console himself.

As for the Dark Mark, perhaps the Dark Lord was busy with another task of which he didn't know, thought Severus to himself.

Yawning widely, and managing to calm his nerves, Severus laid back down and went back to sleep.

He was walking towards something. He couldn't see its face or make out whether it was a human or an animal. It kept moving and so did he. It was scintillating the murky surroundings around them, and emanating an inexplicable warmth. Suddenly out of nowhere it started wailing. He wanted to comfort it, but every time he reached out a hand, its whimpering grew louder. Finally he gave up and started to move away, when all of a sudden it stopped crying. Severus turned around to see what happened, when he saw a pair of sparkling green eyes pierce right into his.

Her eyes were always a relief, palliating his worries and fortifying his soul. But not anymore.

Severus cowered as he saw her eyes penetrating into his. It was no longer soothing or appeasing but accusatory.

He tried to look away, as he couldn't take her eyes censuring him so severely. But every where he looked he met the same culpatory dead pan stare. As he closed his eyes and let out a scream he felt his body being plunged into ice cold water.

"What the..." Severus let out as he opened his eyes.

The Bloody Baron was floating in front of him, with his hand stuck deep in Severus's stomach. That explains the coldness, he thought to himself. As soon as Severus woke up, the Baron withdrew his hand with an apologetic look.

"I tried calling your name, Sir. But you seemed to be in deep sleep, which is why I had to resort to this." he said.

"Alright, alright. What is it?" Severus asked, clearly annoyed at the Baron's idea for an alarm.

"Professor Dumbledore wanted to see you, Sir." he said.

Severus looked over at the clock on his table and wondered what in the name of Merlin he wanted to discuss about, at this time of the hour.

"Why does he want to see me now?" he asked irritably.

"He did not say, Sir. He merely asked me to tell you, to come up to his office." he replied.

"Fine." Severus said grumpily. "Tell him I'll be there in a few minutes."

The Baron nodded and went off through the door with the message.

Severus swore a couple of times as he put on his robes. The old man wouldn't give him a moment's rest with the two jobs, that he'd assigned him. He could at least give him some peace during the night.

Then again, I wasn't exactly having a peaceful sleep, he said to himself as he thought of his dream.

He walked lazily towards the entrance and stood in front of the gargoyle for a while, not being able to remember the password right away.

"Acid pops". He said finally as the gargoyle opened up. In a few moments, he reached the office, the door of which was already open. He saw a sliver of Dumbledore's cloak and knocked on the door to announce his presence.

"Come in, Severus." he heard Dumbledore say.

Severus entered the room and noticed that Dumbledore was standing facing the Quidditch pitch, keeping his back to him.

"Shut the door please, Severus" he said, without turning around.

Severus went back and shut the door, and after returning he asked.

"You wanted to see me Headmaster?"

"I suggest you sit down, first." said Dumbledore still not looking at Severus.

Severus was about to take his seat when Dumbledore turned around. One look at his face, and Severus knew his life would never be the same again.

* * *

Severus didn't cry after he left Dumbledore's office. He went straight to his Potions cabinet and got hold of the Potion for dreamless sleeps, went back to his room, drank the whole bottle and went straight to sleep. 

A week had passed since the attacks and Severus was still in a dream like state. The reality hadn't hit him yet. He drifted around lazily around the castle like the ghosts, attending his classes out of compulsion, hoping someone would wake him up and tell him it was all a dream. He had still not shed any tears as he had closed his mind off to any kind of emotion, refusing to believe he lived in a world, in which Lily didn't exist.

He was outside the Manor where the Death Eaters used to meet. It lay isolated and forlorn since most of the Death Eaters had gone absconding following the Dark Lord's defeat. Severus had an important information, that he wanted to tell the Order, regarding an attack some of the Death Eaters were planning as a follow up to the Lestranges torture of the Longbottoms. He realized he finally had to put his patronus into use to send Dumbledore the message.

For anyone else, conjuring a patronus, a week after the loss of someone close would have been next to impossible. But Severus was still refusing to come out of his shell of denial. He had gone about his daily routines as though nothing significant had happened. He took out his wand and used the same memory of seeing Lily again and thought hard on the message, concentrating on the spell as well.

"Expecto Patronum." he shouted

He felt it before he saw it. The same feeling he had when he met her. He opened his eyes and blinked to see what he was looking at. He stood on the ground, quite dazed at what he was seeing. Clearly it wasn't his patronus, it wasn't the tiny, petite bat that could fly around, but something larger. For a while Severus couldn't recognize the silvery shape in front of him. And when he finally did, all wind was knocked out of him, as he sank to the ground, his legs finally giving away.

His cries rippled through the night. His maudlin managing to wake up the nocturnal beasts that were seeking rest. He let out all the tears he had been holding in for the past one week, finally letting in the truth of what happened. The truth of those green eyes never shining again, of that smile never gracing her lips again, of her heart never beating again. The truth of Lily Evans being dead.

For what seemed like ages, the rueful man cried into the night. The birds watched over as he sat on the floor, wringing his hands in his hair bawling like he had something to tell the world, which not words, but only tears could say.

Severus stopped crying and opened his eyes, he wiped his face with his sleeves and sat on the floor for a while feeling slightly nebulous. His brain had stopped functioning and he could hear his heart beat clearer than ever. He finally managed to look up at the patronus that was watching him cry.

Severus got up and moved closer to it. The doe was staring at him quite cheerfully, an expression he had seen quite often in Lily. It had a calmness about it, which he could never associate with his patronus. Its eyes weren't green, but its penetrating gaze gave Severus the same feeling of self-assurance.

_"See Linda..see how pretty my Patronus is." said the red haired girl_

_"Oh for the last time, Lily. Just because you did it, and the rest of us couldn't, doesn't mean you can show off all the time." said her friend._

_The red haired girl chuckled as she directed her doe around quite jauntily as a long haired boy watched from the shadows._

It took Severus several minutes to comprehend what had happened. His patronus had changed. It had taken the form of his one true love.

And as he stood there, finally having understood what she meant to him, he realized he would never have trouble thinking of a memory again. The patronus itself was the happy thought, which originated from within him and seeing it, made him feel strong and secure . He was grateful that he was left with a constant reminder of her happiness which had manifested itself into her patronus and now into his.

* * *

Dumbledore was lying back in his chair when he saw the silvery light reach his office. For a moment he stood confused not being able to understand what was happening. He was seeing Lily's patronus, when she clearly died a week ago. He moved closer to inspect it when the doe opened its mouth and spoke in Severus's voice. 

Once the doe finished the message and vanished into the air, Dumbledore sat down on his chair. He had tears in his eyes and he couldn't help but feel for the boy. Dumbledore had on certain occasions doubted the boy's love and had falsely interpreted it as an obsession. But the patronus that had vanished in front of him, had finally shown him that Severus Snape did indeed truly love Lily Evans.

He realized that a patronus was a pure and quintessential piece of magic that couldn't be manipulated by obsessive love and thus Severus's love was pure indeed. Dumbledore felt his eyes welling up as he recalled Arianna and realized that Severus was nothing but a younger version of himself, whose one bad choice had resulted in the loss of a loved one. As he watched the silvery glow fading away from his office, he hoped the boy wouldn't be condemned to a life of loneliness like himself, and would snap out of the shock someday returning his patronus to its original form.

* * *

Severus saw the patronus running away into the woods with the message. And as he stood there, the reality slowly dawning on him, he realized that Lily did in fact leave something behind. 

Her protection on her son through her blood. And her protection on Severus, as she left behind an impression of hers on him, reminding him of the goodness she once claimed to have seen, and keeping it alive for all to see.

He looked up at the tenebrous sky and gazed at the glittering stars and whispered something he hadn't said for a long time..

"I love you Lily..Always will..."

* * *

_**Author: Yeah!!!. I finally finished my first fan fic.. Woohoo.. Okay all comments are welcome. Both negative and positive. Please please review, especially all those who've put me on story alert. Since you liked my story enough to put me on a story alert , you might as well review. **_


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